A Yoga & Meditation Retreat at Vagabond

Kep, Cambodia.

I jumped in on the idea of going for a solo retreat head first. I was excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time. My very first independent journey out of country. And, to Cambodia, of all countries. I was searching, researching amongst so many choices to choose from. Many factors had to be taken into consideration considering I'll be all alone in a country I've got no one, no contact, no acquaintance.

First flight out alone. First trip to Cambodia. First solo journey. First yoga & meditation retreat.

Never be afraid of firsts. Firsts take you to unknown places. Firsts take you to journeys needed to be tread alone. Firsts reveal the who that you are, your true self. Atman.

Firsts let you discover treasures you shall take home, and set up to become a whole new you. Firsts help you unveil the best version of you yet to be seen.

Firsts offer you peace, sanity and clarity. Firsts keep your sight inward and lead you to your truth.

Firsts let you live better. Remember, it all starts with your firsts.

I retreated into a place right next to a jungle called the Vagabond Temple in a small town of Kep, Cambodia.

Of course I've had way too many issues to deal with on many areas in my life; two of them being the main, most urgent ones, in that I was ready to quit n let go of both given the slightest chance and opportunity. I have had my mind made up on a degree of 98% or so i thought..at that point.

I lost faith in them, so to say.

There are details I yet feel refrained from sharing here.

Going to Cambodia, I was ready to let everything go. Confronted and spoke to my parents, my sisters, and trusted close friends. I was certain I had to make a decision, and, not actions. Still I thought I needed to be sure, to take some time on my own to reflect and contemplate. I was going to list down all the pros n cons from each areas, everything..

Nothing quite major happened at the retreat. But it was enough to send me straight into deep reflection and contemplation on all the issues.

We were to wake up by 6am in the mornings for reflection and meditation. The first morning when I heard the sound of the gong as a wake up call, I thought, how so terrific. I felt ever so grateful to have woken up to the complete silence and serenity, nothing but sounds of nature. Subhanallah. After my morning meditation, I would write in my journal. I wrote my feelings away. They were too heavy to carry, to bear, to pretend everything was alright..to fight the demons in me telling me to give it all up. I was probably at the edge of depression, or so I thought.

It was a much needed break. A retreat in solitude a worn out soul would much thrive on. At Vagabond temple, we were to fuel up strictly vegan throughout the day. Another new concept to me. Even the thought of it was absolutely intimidating. A territory yet rare and strange to me. I may be skinny, but I am quite a foodo. I love food. I eat all kinds And, there, it struck me. I eat everything. Going vegan for a week wouldn't hurt. And OH MY GOD, the pure vegan food at Vagabond was about the best most delicious food I have ever had in my whole life!! I was enjoying the food so much so that my husband asked, "are you going Vegan after this?". Haha. No. But I would totally return to Vagabond for the awesome food. I would like to extend my special thanks and gratitude to the Vagabond chef, Martin Sellick. He opened my world to healthy, delicious, plant based meals. I cannot quite describe how I felt for each and every single meal served at Vagabond. I cannot thank you enough, Chef Martin.

Also, at Vagabond, I experienced my very first Pink sunset. It was truly, absolutely, literally, truly, fully, gorgeous pink in color. We would witness the sunset as we had our dinner at the gorgeous Prana Lounge. It was mesmerizing.

Among my favorite part from the retreat is the daily morning circle. It's a short one, but very very insightful and forces you to go and reflect deep within yourself removing all layers of superficiality.

The very first meditation on my very first night there, something happened. Not quite sure what was it. Probably it was just all the heavy emotions that I brought along with me. Halfway through the meditation I saw images in my brain of how bad it had been in my life. And then I saw pictures of me embracing the situation, putting my higher self out there n becoming gentle, kind and compassionate (which I figured was about all it takes to turn the whole thing around). My soul connected to the last beat of it, where I almost gave up halfway..and it finally spoke to me.. My heart gave away. I teared up, all the way until the final resting portion of the meditation (the Savasana).

Like magic, my whole perspective changed from that night onwards, throughout the retreat. I were to write lists, the pro's and con's as part of my plans at the retreat..I didn't end up writing any lists. Just as all plans tricked you.. But the lists did come up later, when I returned.

I enjoyed my time there thoroughly. I don't know if it was the off duty times from house chores, the loathing office scenarios, or just being drama clean for the whole week.

But I think most importantly, the connections I made there. It's just another level altogether. Most of the people I met and spoke with there had made it all so easy for me to drop my guard and be vulnerable, it was almost natural to have truly honest communication and to share love, fears, and hopes without judgment and being fully real with them. My husband warned against speaking with any other male during the trip. I tried keeping up to that, but it was very hard. Everyone was kind, warm and so genuine. So I made close connections with few there, in that we shared experiences, issues, and what we learned, etc. We also have been keeping in touch since.. Somehow, that had tremendously helped me as well in the journey of what I would call self improvement and transformation.

I became close friends with an amazing girl from the Netherlands. Her name is Lonneke. She had arrived at Vagabond few days earlier and so we would see to our goodbyes few days before I would be done with my retreat. We would spend most of our times there together, sharing thoughts, personal stories, issues, we became truly close friends. She was too kind and special. Isn't it amazing that sometimes you connect with a person you've met for just barely days and found connection on a much deeper level than ones you've been with for more than 3, 13, 30 years perhaps? Lonneke has indeed inspired me in more ways than one.

I opened up to her of my long hidden or rather suppressed dream of becoming a Yoga teacher and the much resistance (internally/financially and environmental wise) in taking concrete steps towards it.. She had then offered such profound and very kind and endearing insights in that her first ideas and first impressions of me and my personality reminded her of yoga teacher back home, and how much she feels my warm energy and positive vibes. It struck me in complete awe, wouldn't have expected it from anyone, really.

We still text each other almost on a daily up to this day. We would rant about life, her first world problems (as she put it, hahaa..), and me, my ever constant crazy cycles I found myself in.

I wish to also share another aspect of my experience at the retreat. Those who have known me longer and close to me will know that this is absolute madness for me. I would have a million reasons to complain about if I would. Or, rather give up altogether. But, I went on, taking lessons on life and meaningful living. Giving up wasn't a choice then, just as life is.

It wasn't what I'd resort to, given a choice. I had to stay in a very basic hut, in less than desirable condition, with the probability of insects gliding, climbing, sticking, crawling around at a high 80-90% chances of them falling on me or my skin or my pillows. Seeing that huge wild lizard (or, whatever it actually was) crawling into the bathroom on my second day there was crazy enough. Hearing non-stop gecko sounds at night (check out the video in gallery) was freaking me out ripping me off hours of sleep.

But I did alright. Here's to my first conquest of fear, all alone, all by myself. Back home, I would run away at the sight of cats. Yes, cats. I did conquer my fears and anxiety and forged on to the completion of the week long retreat.

That should sum up my feelings there. I figured the key takeaway for me from the retreat is "Compassion", in all things and with all people. That's it in one word. Simple, but heavy. Also, what I learned at the retreat: All loving thoughts are true, and real. All negative, damaging thoughts are not true, and to be disregarded. Our true nature and our true self is being kind and to always be of service. Pain and suffering come as a way to open your heart up for empathy.

I knew even then that the real test is when I return to the same old environment and dealing with the same stale rotten issues. It ain't gonna be easy. My heart's a little disheartened almost. But move forth, we must.

I know this wont end here, this is a lifetime journey I have committed myself to. I've got a lot of work to do. My times at Vagabond had given me much to learn, reflect and contemplate on.

Namaste.

Here's the link to the Vagabond temple retreat if anyone of you wishes to go or check them out:

https://www.vagabondtemple.com/

I pray you too find your calm, peace and sanity, like I did.